Chapter 10 from the CHANGE JOURNAL »
Everyone likes to get compliments. But only good, honest ones. No flat, superficial. It has been proven that a compliment is more than a nice phrase for many people. They adjust their behavior to kind words, their self-esteem increases, and their behavior becomes more confident. Even the one who compliments feels good when he makes them smile. Hey, that's exactly what the term win-win situation was invented for.
And although we know that everyone benefits from positive interaction, we tend to be stingy with compliments. Especially the Germans are not exactly known for flattering sentences. Why actually? Are we afraid of being seen as a sucker? As a stupid pick-me-up? Or maybe we don't have the practice?
Whatever the catch, here are six tips for a compliment that goes down well:
1. Be genuinely interested
If you want to say something nice about the other person, you can praise their outfit or winning smile. But something deeper works better, especially interests and characteristics are a perfect fit for a good compliment.
2. Language and ambiance
The what is important, but so is the how and where. A successful compliment needs linguistic originality and the right place. Can you train everything and develop a feeling for timing. Example: Can't make your voice heard in a loud, wild bar? And your voice is failing you with excitement? No problem! Use a quiet moment on the balcony or on the way home to express your sympathy.
3. Keeping the balance
As always, the dose makes the poison: Don't shower your sweetheart with well-meaning words. You'll achieve exactly the opposite. This applies to frequency and exaggeration: a little too much is original, but things can quickly change.
4. Be unique
Ambiguity is the death blow of every compliment. The irony is just as bad. This only creates misunderstandings and annoyances.
5. The right topics
We want a partner who is similar to us. That's why nice remarks about possible similarities are good. For this reason alone, it is worth listening carefully. An "I think it's wonderful that we have so much in common." is all good, but "Great, then we can go to the Dada exhibition together." is nicer and better.
6. Good manners
Selected courtesy in itself is a compliment. Key ingredients for a good compliment: smile, attention, empathy, and courteous treatment. And sincerity.
Yes, it all sounds logical, but how can you implement it? You can track how many compliments you have given in the following templates. That's good feedback for yourself, whether you're stingy or generous with compliments. And then, optimize the compliments for you as an exercise using two examples afterward. With more practice, you can gradually become more quick-witted.
An example could look like this:
